Tom Lehrer Quotes

Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Political satire became obsolete when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

Andrew Wiles gently smiles, Which could've used some enlargin'.

No one is more dangerous than someone who thinks he has "The Truth". To be an atheist is almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. But then again, I can get pretty arrogant.

I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don't get me started!) without having to worry about God. Or if pi isn't enough, how about fractals? or quantum mechanics?

I would like to state at this time that I am not now and have never been... a member of the Boy Scouts of America. Their motto is, as you know, "Be Prepared!" and that is the name of this song.

Don't solicit for your sister, that's not nice, Unless you get a good percentage of her price.

If you're looking for adventure of a new and different kind, Don't be nervous, don't be flustered, don't be scared. Be prepared!

I always like to make explicit the fact that before I went off not too long ago to fight in the trenches, I was a mathematician by profession. I don't like people to get the idea that I have to do this for a living. I mean, it isn't as though I had to do this, you know, I could be making, oh, 3000 dollars a year just teaching.