Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.
There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
[Catchphrase:] Can we talk?
— Joan Rivers
Uncategorized
[Catchphrase:] Oh, grow up!
Why do wives have to spend so much time dusting, vacuuming, mopping, making beds, washing dishes, when you just have to do it all again six months later?
Before we make love, my husband takes a pain killer.
I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
Never floss with a stranger.